Every once in a while I succumb to the impulse buy section at Wal-Mart. You know, at the check out line where they have gossip magazines (Jake and Vienna are splitting?!?!?), chocolate bars, and any assortment of junk that is not needed, but for some reason at that very moment, VERY needed. Today it was the flaming hot Cheetos. YUM! Is it really that bad to eat Cheetos for lunch? I mean it's only like once in a few years that it happens. :)
Here's to eating junk for lunch! We all need it every once in awhile. :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
This Path
Lately I have been pondering suffering and the terrible things that don't make sense. God has been teaching me a lot about it these past few weeks. He does things that we don't understand. He does things that seem mean and uncalled for, but do I really know what is TRULY mean and uncalled for? What has been ringing through my head as I ponder these things is Isaiah 55: 8-9.
With that said, I have been reminded of the 23 Psalm verses 3 and 4.
"He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Or according to the Jesus Story Book Bible:
"Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places, I won't be afraid. Because my Shepherd knows where I am. He is here with me, He keeps me safe, He rescues me. He makes me strong and brave."
The path of righteousness may take us into the valley of the shadow of death- the scary, lonely, dark places- but He has got it covered. And even in the midst of all of that, He gives us the strength to be brave. It's comforting to me, especially on the road that I am on with infertility. I may never have a baby of my own, that's a real possibility - in all reality that doesn't incite bravery. But this is the road He has me on, a road not for the faint of heart, a road that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's the path of righteousness. Righteousness is what I have desired for so long now.
Why would He now give me something that I detest to bring me into His righteousness? First, it's because He is good and second, it's because He loves me and wants me to be righteous. Because it's what we do in the Valley of the Shadow of death that really shows what we are made of, it's the choices we make and the security that we find in Him that bring us to righteousness. It comes down to loving Him and trusting Him, knowing that He will comfort us... or running like hell.
Honestly, it's really tempting to run like hell. But His word says He won't give me anything more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:12b). Obviously, He thinks I can handle infertility and with Him, I can. It's scary to think about what His best plan may entail, what exactly we are going to have to live through and how hard it may be. I am afraid. I don't want to live a life without children of my own, but I may have to. I may have to live a life of my longing never being fulfilled...until I see Him face to face.
When I was young, and during a few lucid days as an adult, I prayed that God would find me trust worthy and that He would give me his righteousness. This may be the answer to my prayer. Even though I may have been shooting myself in the foot a little. :)
I find out on tomorrow if I can or will ovulate on this new medicine. But what I am praying is that I would stay on the path of Righteousness, regardless of the state of my fertility.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
More than ever, I know that I don't think like He does and frankly I never will. What baffles me, makes total sense to Him. There are a lot of things that baffle me, too. But just because He does something that I don't get, doesn't mean He is not altogether good and lovely. Things happen, life throws you curve balls. That is what is supposed to happen. Through all of this tragedy and confusion and uncertainty, He is still good. If there is one thing that we can learn from Jesus and His teachings is that He is good.With that said, I have been reminded of the 23 Psalm verses 3 and 4.
"He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Or according to the Jesus Story Book Bible:
"Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places, I won't be afraid. Because my Shepherd knows where I am. He is here with me, He keeps me safe, He rescues me. He makes me strong and brave."
The path of righteousness may take us into the valley of the shadow of death- the scary, lonely, dark places- but He has got it covered. And even in the midst of all of that, He gives us the strength to be brave. It's comforting to me, especially on the road that I am on with infertility. I may never have a baby of my own, that's a real possibility - in all reality that doesn't incite bravery. But this is the road He has me on, a road not for the faint of heart, a road that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's the path of righteousness. Righteousness is what I have desired for so long now.
Why would He now give me something that I detest to bring me into His righteousness? First, it's because He is good and second, it's because He loves me and wants me to be righteous. Because it's what we do in the Valley of the Shadow of death that really shows what we are made of, it's the choices we make and the security that we find in Him that bring us to righteousness. It comes down to loving Him and trusting Him, knowing that He will comfort us... or running like hell.
Honestly, it's really tempting to run like hell. But His word says He won't give me anything more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:12b). Obviously, He thinks I can handle infertility and with Him, I can. It's scary to think about what His best plan may entail, what exactly we are going to have to live through and how hard it may be. I am afraid. I don't want to live a life without children of my own, but I may have to. I may have to live a life of my longing never being fulfilled...until I see Him face to face.
When I was young, and during a few lucid days as an adult, I prayed that God would find me trust worthy and that He would give me his righteousness. This may be the answer to my prayer. Even though I may have been shooting myself in the foot a little. :)
I find out on tomorrow if I can or will ovulate on this new medicine. But what I am praying is that I would stay on the path of Righteousness, regardless of the state of my fertility.
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