Turning heads...

Sometimes there are moments in my life that I swear are straight out or Seinfeld. Today the scene was set in Walmart. Usually I avoid Walmart on Saturdays, because it is CRAZY! But today I had to go, and it was nobodies fault by mine...I was too lazy to go on Friday. In fact, instead of going to Walmart on Friday, I laid on my couch and read my book. I think I made the right choice.

I arrived at Walmart and all was well. In fact, they actually had disinfectant wipes out! I LOVE when they have the disinfecting wipes out! I snagged two and zeroed in on a shopping cart, scrubbed down the handle part and quickly but cautiously keeping an eye on my cart while dashing to the trash to dispose of the used disinfectant wipe. Thankfully nobody took my newly cleaned cart. Ahhh. It was meant to be mine.

Now here is the part where I thought Kramer should be the main character. About 5 seconds after I took off into the store, the cart started making a horrifically loud squeal. I mean LOUD. I don't know where my brain was, but I decided not to return the cart back (100 feet) to its other cart friends: 1) because it meant I had to turn around 2) I had already invested too much into the basket by disinfecting it. I charged on and made it to the produce section. Needless to say I attracted a lot of attention, mostly in the vein of incredulous looks. I should have abandoned ship, but for some reason I just kept going, cart screaming all the way. As I continued my shopping I figured out that it didn't scream at me when I made right hand turns. The thought crossed my mind that I could move through the store by making right turning circles, but that would make me look insane...even more than I already did. At that point I was turning a lot of head. I decided to think it was because I looked cute.

All of my things were gathered and I came to a screaming halt at the check out. The clerk looked up with wide eyes and I explained it was the cart and honestly, just one of those days. She finished ringing up my goods, I paid, took a deep breath and wailed my way to the door, gathered my bags and left the dysfunctional cart with a warning to the door greeter, "This ones a screamer." She gave me a knowing nod and I left, laughing at myself. Really, what was I thinking?

Long time no see

It's been a long time! I feel like there is so much to say, but so little to say at the same time. Chris and I are doing great. We love each other and we love God. What more could we ask for? Oh, I know, a child. So we continue to ask the Lord to bless us with a child, in whatever fashion He deems acceptable.

I took a drug to make me ovulate. On the14th day of my cycle, I had an ultrasound to see if I in fact ovulated. I was told that I did! Yay! But we didn't make a baby. That's okay, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. The next month rolls along, 14th day comes and I didn't ovulate and apparently the first ultrasound was read wrong, so I didn't ovulate the month before that either. That sucks.

I was brave and I went to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist. Believe me, I cried a lot during the visit. It's like the tears wouldn't stop! I couldn't get sentence out without blubbering. The RE was a nice guy. I really had nothing to be afraid of, except that he wasn't going to give me very good news about my fertility. So, in a nut shell, Chris and I probably wont get pregnant on our own. We are going to need to either do some serious hormone therapy coupled with Invitro Fertilization (IVF) or....a miracle.

You know what? I am totally okay with that news. It's like, all I needed was some finality behind my infertility and now I can move on. Now Chris and I can just make love. Now I don't have to be totally freaked out about how long my cycle is or how short it is. Now I can just let myself be broken without hating myself for it. It's weird.

We do want a family. And we will have one. Someday. Maybe not how we expected it. But, I mean, really, how often do we get the things that we expect? The nature of an expectation is usually unrealistic. Life and situations get in the way of expectations and sometimes we can't always get what we want, you get what you need (to quote the Rolling Stones). I think I am learning what God wants.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

We are in the process. I know that I will be a mother, I just know it. So I guess, in a way, I am expecting. I'm expecting a baby. I am expecting God to give us just the right child at the right time.