Beauty for Ashes

After hearing the news that we had been selected by a birth mother, there was a whirlwind of activity. I had heard of adoptive mothers who had been able to breast feed, so on Monday morning I made an appointment with a Lactation Consultant. She is based out of the OBGYN office where my doctor's are located. I had to leave a message. How do you tell someone that you would like to attempt breast feeding a child that hasn't come from your body? Needless to say, I left a WAY too long message explaining the situation to this woman. About 15 minutes later I received a call back from her and was greeted on with a joyful "Congratulations!" on the other side of the phone. Kathy, the Lactation Consultant, was so excited to hear that I wanted to try to give my adopted child breast milk. We made an appointment for the next day, Tuesday.

I had to go to work on Tuesday, so I scheduled my appointment for the lunch hour. Now, usually, when I have had appointments at this particular doctors office, I have left with varying levels of difficult news, mostly devastating. As I walked through the lobby doors and informed the front desk that I was here to see Kathy, I noticed that I didn't have the usual pit in my stomach that I had become accustom to during my visits to this office. For the first time, I was excited, expectant. The women at the front desk have come to know who I am over the last years. One in particular greeted me with another "Congratulations!" I almost cried. As I sat in the waiting room, I saw pregnant mothers streaming in and out. In the past, I would have had to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for this, but on that day, I was expecting too. Praise God.

The Lactation Consultant called my name and I was led to her office. Now, I know that offices don't usually have a lot of significance, but she happens to share an office with my former Reproductive Endocrinologist. I was unaware fo this fact. As I sat down in the wicker chair provided to me, I was overwhelmed with the reality that the last time I sat in this chair I was given the news that my sweet husband and I had a 0% chance of conceiving. In my mind, this office held such sadness and darkness, such devastation. But here I was, filled with excitement with the reality that there was a child coming into our lives, and soon! In the same chair I was told I could not have children, I was learning how to nourish MY child. It was a gift that was unnecessary, but so full of redemption. I cried quite a few times during that appointment. Thankfully, Kathy is a Christian woman and rejoiced in the redemption with me. What an unbelievable gift. There truly is beauty for ashes. Thank you, Jesus.