If you have read this blog more than a few times, you know that Chris and I own one of the weirdest dogs on the face of the universe. Maybe I should say he has character? That's probably nicer. I know that he thinks he is a human and I know that he thinks he can tell us what to do and what he doesn't want to do. With that, I would like to tell you about Charlie and our dear social worker, Kathi.
First of all, Kathi is such a sweet woman. We are really blessed to have found her and to have her be a part of building our family. Charlie really likes her too. Last Wednesday, Kathi came to our house to make sure we had running water, heat, a bed for a baby, and that the child would have their own pajamas to sleep in (I know, it sounds crazy, but this is just a small part of how we prove to the state that we will be good parents). Whenever we have guests coming to out house, we have to be very deliberate about putting Charlie outside prior to their arrival, because Charlie gets totally weirded out whenever new people come into the house. So when Kathi arrived, Charlie was outside, barking out his protest to being outside. After a few minutes I let him back in and he immediately went to Kathi and made a fast friend. Sniffing, rolling over, jumping, licking... all of the over excited dog tendencies.
Shortly after, we sat down and started the "in house" interview. Every once in a while I would see Kathi's eyes widen. At first I thought nothing of it, until she said "Oh, well Charlie is very friendly." At the comment I immediately drop my head under the table and see Charlies little front legs wrapped tightly around Kathi's leg...for lack of a better term, trying to get to know Kathi better. ;)
Mortified, I gave Charlie my very best "I'm in charge" tone and told him to stop. He skulked off her leg and sat down right next to her. As soon as I popped my head back up to the top of the table, I see Kathi's eye widen...again. I looked down and there was Charlie, red handed, mounting Kathi's leg, again. Great.
Charlie kept this up for the duration of the evening. We even got up to look at our heater, and Charlie followed her and took his opportunity while I wasn't looking. What better way to say "Please help us find a baby?" then to have your dog hump your social workers leg. It keeps you humble, that's for sure!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
On your marks, get set, GO!!!!
We started! We are moving forward! We are getting our Home Study!!! I can't believe how fast things have already gone. I only called our Social Worker last Monday and we have already met with her once and have our reference forms in the hands of our references. Now all we need to do is find the woman who will trust us with raising her child, trust us to be parents. If you know anyone who would fit that description, please feel free to contact us. The only criteria is that it's a human child. ;)
So, I guess you could say we are EXPECTING!!!!
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
So, I guess you could say we are EXPECTING!!!!
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
Monday, January 3, 2011
Are we there yet?
It's kind of a cliche, the nagging question, "Are we there yet?" But so often it is a question that we ask, that I ask. It may not be an audible question that I subject everyone to in hearing range, but it is a question that I subject God to on a fairly regular basis. I may not use the exact words but I use a variety in my complaints (i.e. "How much longer, Lord?", "When can I have it?", "What do I have to do to get to it?", "I am tired of this journey.").
I was thinking about this as Chris and I were driving to Denver for Christmas. It was a lovely drive with breathtaking scenery. I stared out the window for what seemed like hours, taking in the grandeur of my Gods creativity. It was exciting for me to see the changes of landscaping as the miles went by.
When I was a kid and my family would go on road trips to different places in the US, I can remember my dad hollering to my sister and I in the back seat to stop reading or sleeping and look out the window at what we were driving by. As a kid, that totally bugged me. I would begrudgingly divert my attention from whatever I was doing to pass the time with in the back seat and glance out the window to some breath taking panorama of creation and say "That's nice. How much longer till we get there?". Then go back to whatever it was that I was doing, completely neglecting to absorb all the splendor that we were driving by, only waiting for an estimated time of arrival. I remember being so excited about what we would do when we got to our destination and saw the traveling time as a necessary evil.
Now, as an adult, the travel time is my favorite time. I relish in the idea of having uninterrupted time with my favorite person, Chris, even if the traveling is exhausting. I love to travel, not just for the destination, but for the journey to get there.
Today I found myself asking God those stupid questions as I was pulling out my 2011 calendar (I know, a little late:) and adding all of our family members birthdays. Hoping that in the next year I will be able to add the birthday of my child. Hoping that I don't have to go through another year of waiting. Praying that I would make it through if I had to. Asking God "Are we there yet?", "How long until we get there?", "My butt hurts." So often I get overwhelmed with the idea of the length of the journey and don't look out the window to see what it is that I am actually journeying through.
My prayer for this year is that I would look around and see God's goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and love. And not focus on how long it takes to get to a "destination". Even if nothing that I have been praying for happens, by God's grace, I want to enjoy the journey of getting there.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
I was thinking about this as Chris and I were driving to Denver for Christmas. It was a lovely drive with breathtaking scenery. I stared out the window for what seemed like hours, taking in the grandeur of my Gods creativity. It was exciting for me to see the changes of landscaping as the miles went by.
When I was a kid and my family would go on road trips to different places in the US, I can remember my dad hollering to my sister and I in the back seat to stop reading or sleeping and look out the window at what we were driving by. As a kid, that totally bugged me. I would begrudgingly divert my attention from whatever I was doing to pass the time with in the back seat and glance out the window to some breath taking panorama of creation and say "That's nice. How much longer till we get there?". Then go back to whatever it was that I was doing, completely neglecting to absorb all the splendor that we were driving by, only waiting for an estimated time of arrival. I remember being so excited about what we would do when we got to our destination and saw the traveling time as a necessary evil.
Now, as an adult, the travel time is my favorite time. I relish in the idea of having uninterrupted time with my favorite person, Chris, even if the traveling is exhausting. I love to travel, not just for the destination, but for the journey to get there.
Today I found myself asking God those stupid questions as I was pulling out my 2011 calendar (I know, a little late:) and adding all of our family members birthdays. Hoping that in the next year I will be able to add the birthday of my child. Hoping that I don't have to go through another year of waiting. Praying that I would make it through if I had to. Asking God "Are we there yet?", "How long until we get there?", "My butt hurts." So often I get overwhelmed with the idea of the length of the journey and don't look out the window to see what it is that I am actually journeying through.
My prayer for this year is that I would look around and see God's goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and love. And not focus on how long it takes to get to a "destination". Even if nothing that I have been praying for happens, by God's grace, I want to enjoy the journey of getting there.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
My Hope
A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog of a friend of hers that adopted recently. This is my hope, in terms of news, for the next year. Be prepared, I literally SOBBED when I read this.
http://codyandcarrie.blogspot.com/2010/10/woo-hooo.html
By the way, we have decided that we are going to adopt. We are going to start the process after the holidays. I am really excited/scared/anxious/impatient/happy. I woke up this morning after having a dream that we had brought home a baby. It was a beautiful little baby and Chris and I were so thrilled to finally have the desire of our hearts. We kept gazing at the baby and then looking at each other and saying "We have a baby!" At first, I woke up from that dream broken hearted that it was just a dream and it wasn't real. But after talking to my mom about it (Moms are always way smart), she reminded me that it was a hope for things to come. Someday, hopefully soon, we will be bringing home a baby and we will be absolutely elated about it, just as we were in my dream early this morning.
We covet your prayers as we venture into this unknown. Please pray that God would provide a young lady that would trust us to raise her child, that we would be prepared for God's timing for all of this, and that the finances would be provided. God knows, we don't. But one thing He has reminded me of in the last few weeks is that He has good things in store for His Children, no matter how tough the road is to get to that good thing.
"All of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have have reason to sing, I have reason to worship." Desert Song, Hillsong United
http://codyandcarrie.blogspot.com/2010/10/woo-hooo.html
By the way, we have decided that we are going to adopt. We are going to start the process after the holidays. I am really excited/scared/anxious/impatient/happy. I woke up this morning after having a dream that we had brought home a baby. It was a beautiful little baby and Chris and I were so thrilled to finally have the desire of our hearts. We kept gazing at the baby and then looking at each other and saying "We have a baby!" At first, I woke up from that dream broken hearted that it was just a dream and it wasn't real. But after talking to my mom about it (Moms are always way smart), she reminded me that it was a hope for things to come. Someday, hopefully soon, we will be bringing home a baby and we will be absolutely elated about it, just as we were in my dream early this morning.
We covet your prayers as we venture into this unknown. Please pray that God would provide a young lady that would trust us to raise her child, that we would be prepared for God's timing for all of this, and that the finances would be provided. God knows, we don't. But one thing He has reminded me of in the last few weeks is that He has good things in store for His Children, no matter how tough the road is to get to that good thing.
"All of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have have reason to sing, I have reason to worship." Desert Song, Hillsong United
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Sweet
’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!
O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Turning heads...
Sometimes there are moments in my life that I swear are straight out or Seinfeld. Today the scene was set in Walmart. Usually I avoid Walmart on Saturdays, because it is CRAZY! But today I had to go, and it was nobodies fault by mine...I was too lazy to go on Friday. In fact, instead of going to Walmart on Friday, I laid on my couch and read my book. I think I made the right choice.
I arrived at Walmart and all was well. In fact, they actually had disinfectant wipes out! I LOVE when they have the disinfecting wipes out! I snagged two and zeroed in on a shopping cart, scrubbed down the handle part and quickly but cautiously keeping an eye on my cart while dashing to the trash to dispose of the used disinfectant wipe. Thankfully nobody took my newly cleaned cart. Ahhh. It was meant to be mine.
Now here is the part where I thought Kramer should be the main character. About 5 seconds after I took off into the store, the cart started making a horrifically loud squeal. I mean LOUD. I don't know where my brain was, but I decided not to return the cart back (100 feet) to its other cart friends: 1) because it meant I had to turn around 2) I had already invested too much into the basket by disinfecting it. I charged on and made it to the produce section. Needless to say I attracted a lot of attention, mostly in the vein of incredulous looks. I should have abandoned ship, but for some reason I just kept going, cart screaming all the way. As I continued my shopping I figured out that it didn't scream at me when I made right hand turns. The thought crossed my mind that I could move through the store by making right turning circles, but that would make me look insane...even more than I already did. At that point I was turning a lot of head. I decided to think it was because I looked cute.
All of my things were gathered and I came to a screaming halt at the check out. The clerk looked up with wide eyes and I explained it was the cart and honestly, just one of those days. She finished ringing up my goods, I paid, took a deep breath and wailed my way to the door, gathered my bags and left the dysfunctional cart with a warning to the door greeter, "This ones a screamer." She gave me a knowing nod and I left, laughing at myself. Really, what was I thinking?
I arrived at Walmart and all was well. In fact, they actually had disinfectant wipes out! I LOVE when they have the disinfecting wipes out! I snagged two and zeroed in on a shopping cart, scrubbed down the handle part and quickly but cautiously keeping an eye on my cart while dashing to the trash to dispose of the used disinfectant wipe. Thankfully nobody took my newly cleaned cart. Ahhh. It was meant to be mine.
Now here is the part where I thought Kramer should be the main character. About 5 seconds after I took off into the store, the cart started making a horrifically loud squeal. I mean LOUD. I don't know where my brain was, but I decided not to return the cart back (100 feet) to its other cart friends: 1) because it meant I had to turn around 2) I had already invested too much into the basket by disinfecting it. I charged on and made it to the produce section. Needless to say I attracted a lot of attention, mostly in the vein of incredulous looks. I should have abandoned ship, but for some reason I just kept going, cart screaming all the way. As I continued my shopping I figured out that it didn't scream at me when I made right hand turns. The thought crossed my mind that I could move through the store by making right turning circles, but that would make me look insane...even more than I already did. At that point I was turning a lot of head. I decided to think it was because I looked cute.
All of my things were gathered and I came to a screaming halt at the check out. The clerk looked up with wide eyes and I explained it was the cart and honestly, just one of those days. She finished ringing up my goods, I paid, took a deep breath and wailed my way to the door, gathered my bags and left the dysfunctional cart with a warning to the door greeter, "This ones a screamer." She gave me a knowing nod and I left, laughing at myself. Really, what was I thinking?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Long time no see
It's been a long time! I feel like there is so much to say, but so little to say at the same time. Chris and I are doing great. We love each other and we love God. What more could we ask for? Oh, I know, a child. So we continue to ask the Lord to bless us with a child, in whatever fashion He deems acceptable.
I took a drug to make me ovulate. On the14th day of my cycle, I had an ultrasound to see if I in fact ovulated. I was told that I did! Yay! But we didn't make a baby. That's okay, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. The next month rolls along, 14th day comes and I didn't ovulate and apparently the first ultrasound was read wrong, so I didn't ovulate the month before that either. That sucks.
I was brave and I went to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist. Believe me, I cried a lot during the visit. It's like the tears wouldn't stop! I couldn't get sentence out without blubbering. The RE was a nice guy. I really had nothing to be afraid of, except that he wasn't going to give me very good news about my fertility. So, in a nut shell, Chris and I probably wont get pregnant on our own. We are going to need to either do some serious hormone therapy coupled with Invitro Fertilization (IVF) or....a miracle.
You know what? I am totally okay with that news. It's like, all I needed was some finality behind my infertility and now I can move on. Now Chris and I can just make love. Now I don't have to be totally freaked out about how long my cycle is or how short it is. Now I can just let myself be broken without hating myself for it. It's weird.
We do want a family. And we will have one. Someday. Maybe not how we expected it. But, I mean, really, how often do we get the things that we expect? The nature of an expectation is usually unrealistic. Life and situations get in the way of expectations and sometimes we can't always get what we want, you get what you need (to quote the Rolling Stones). I think I am learning what God wants.
I took a drug to make me ovulate. On the14th day of my cycle, I had an ultrasound to see if I in fact ovulated. I was told that I did! Yay! But we didn't make a baby. That's okay, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. The next month rolls along, 14th day comes and I didn't ovulate and apparently the first ultrasound was read wrong, so I didn't ovulate the month before that either. That sucks.
I was brave and I went to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist. Believe me, I cried a lot during the visit. It's like the tears wouldn't stop! I couldn't get sentence out without blubbering. The RE was a nice guy. I really had nothing to be afraid of, except that he wasn't going to give me very good news about my fertility. So, in a nut shell, Chris and I probably wont get pregnant on our own. We are going to need to either do some serious hormone therapy coupled with Invitro Fertilization (IVF) or....a miracle.
You know what? I am totally okay with that news. It's like, all I needed was some finality behind my infertility and now I can move on. Now Chris and I can just make love. Now I don't have to be totally freaked out about how long my cycle is or how short it is. Now I can just let myself be broken without hating myself for it. It's weird.
We do want a family. And we will have one. Someday. Maybe not how we expected it. But, I mean, really, how often do we get the things that we expect? The nature of an expectation is usually unrealistic. Life and situations get in the way of expectations and sometimes we can't always get what we want, you get what you need (to quote the Rolling Stones). I think I am learning what God wants.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
We are in the process. I know that I will be a mother, I just know it. So I guess, in a way, I am expecting. I'm expecting a baby. I am expecting God to give us just the right child at the right time.
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
We are in the process. I know that I will be a mother, I just know it. So I guess, in a way, I am expecting. I'm expecting a baby. I am expecting God to give us just the right child at the right time.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Never thought I'd do that.
So I just cut Chris' hair. It's pretty bad...kinda' like the hair cut he got two weeks before our wedding, which was terrible. Oh my! I can blame no one but myself for his appearance...
Isn't it funny the things that we do when we are married? Things that we always swore we would never do. Such as cutting the moldy chunk off the cheese and calling it good. Forgetting to snag that one red sock out of the whites and henceforth making your husband wear pink shirts instead of white. Or, letting hair grow in places you would have fainted at prior to marriage (since when did a 25 year old get whiskers?). Among others, cutting Chris' hair poorly is one of those things. I always assumed I could make him look like a GQ model. NOT! I married an unrepentant tight-wad (who I love more that anyone else in the world!) and the only way he is going to get a hair cut is if I do it. It's such a conundrum. Either I let him look like an unkempt college student at his professional job or I make him look like a drill sergeant on leave from the military.
The real sad thing about all of this, is that I work at a Salon. And not just any salon, it's an Aveda Salon. Talent, creativity, and skill are required in order to get a job at Aveda Salons. I got a job because I have good people skills, I'm nice, and have nothing to do with the cutting or styling of hair. During my interview, they neglected to ask if I cut my husbands hair and I neglected to mention it. So there I am, the girl who is pretending to be competent in the beauty world, cutting her husbands hair, poorly. Or should I say, buzzing her husbands hair, poorly. Cutting takes talent, buzzing just requires that you are not in a cast and have free movement of the wrist. Well, at least the kind of buzzing I do. What would my co-workers say?!?
On an entirely different subject, Chris just threw Charlie's ball into the toilet...again. Thank God for bleach! Charlie is currently disgruntled at my feet, snuffing a lot. Drama, drama, drama! :) Here's to red wine and fudgecicles!
.
Isn't it funny the things that we do when we are married? Things that we always swore we would never do. Such as cutting the moldy chunk off the cheese and calling it good. Forgetting to snag that one red sock out of the whites and henceforth making your husband wear pink shirts instead of white. Or, letting hair grow in places you would have fainted at prior to marriage (since when did a 25 year old get whiskers?). Among others, cutting Chris' hair poorly is one of those things. I always assumed I could make him look like a GQ model. NOT! I married an unrepentant tight-wad (who I love more that anyone else in the world!) and the only way he is going to get a hair cut is if I do it. It's such a conundrum. Either I let him look like an unkempt college student at his professional job or I make him look like a drill sergeant on leave from the military.
The real sad thing about all of this, is that I work at a Salon. And not just any salon, it's an Aveda Salon. Talent, creativity, and skill are required in order to get a job at Aveda Salons. I got a job because I have good people skills, I'm nice, and have nothing to do with the cutting or styling of hair. During my interview, they neglected to ask if I cut my husbands hair and I neglected to mention it. So there I am, the girl who is pretending to be competent in the beauty world, cutting her husbands hair, poorly. Or should I say, buzzing her husbands hair, poorly. Cutting takes talent, buzzing just requires that you are not in a cast and have free movement of the wrist. Well, at least the kind of buzzing I do. What would my co-workers say?!?
On an entirely different subject, Chris just threw Charlie's ball into the toilet...again. Thank God for bleach! Charlie is currently disgruntled at my feet, snuffing a lot. Drama, drama, drama! :) Here's to red wine and fudgecicles!
.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Flaming Hot
Every once in a while I succumb to the impulse buy section at Wal-Mart. You know, at the check out line where they have gossip magazines (Jake and Vienna are splitting?!?!?), chocolate bars, and any assortment of junk that is not needed, but for some reason at that very moment, VERY needed. Today it was the flaming hot Cheetos. YUM! Is it really that bad to eat Cheetos for lunch? I mean it's only like once in a few years that it happens. :)
Here's to eating junk for lunch! We all need it every once in awhile. :)
Here's to eating junk for lunch! We all need it every once in awhile. :)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
This Path
Lately I have been pondering suffering and the terrible things that don't make sense. God has been teaching me a lot about it these past few weeks. He does things that we don't understand. He does things that seem mean and uncalled for, but do I really know what is TRULY mean and uncalled for? What has been ringing through my head as I ponder these things is Isaiah 55: 8-9.
With that said, I have been reminded of the 23 Psalm verses 3 and 4.
"He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Or according to the Jesus Story Book Bible:
"Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places, I won't be afraid. Because my Shepherd knows where I am. He is here with me, He keeps me safe, He rescues me. He makes me strong and brave."
The path of righteousness may take us into the valley of the shadow of death- the scary, lonely, dark places- but He has got it covered. And even in the midst of all of that, He gives us the strength to be brave. It's comforting to me, especially on the road that I am on with infertility. I may never have a baby of my own, that's a real possibility - in all reality that doesn't incite bravery. But this is the road He has me on, a road not for the faint of heart, a road that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's the path of righteousness. Righteousness is what I have desired for so long now.
Why would He now give me something that I detest to bring me into His righteousness? First, it's because He is good and second, it's because He loves me and wants me to be righteous. Because it's what we do in the Valley of the Shadow of death that really shows what we are made of, it's the choices we make and the security that we find in Him that bring us to righteousness. It comes down to loving Him and trusting Him, knowing that He will comfort us... or running like hell.
Honestly, it's really tempting to run like hell. But His word says He won't give me anything more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:12b). Obviously, He thinks I can handle infertility and with Him, I can. It's scary to think about what His best plan may entail, what exactly we are going to have to live through and how hard it may be. I am afraid. I don't want to live a life without children of my own, but I may have to. I may have to live a life of my longing never being fulfilled...until I see Him face to face.
When I was young, and during a few lucid days as an adult, I prayed that God would find me trust worthy and that He would give me his righteousness. This may be the answer to my prayer. Even though I may have been shooting myself in the foot a little. :)
I find out on tomorrow if I can or will ovulate on this new medicine. But what I am praying is that I would stay on the path of Righteousness, regardless of the state of my fertility.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
More than ever, I know that I don't think like He does and frankly I never will. What baffles me, makes total sense to Him. There are a lot of things that baffle me, too. But just because He does something that I don't get, doesn't mean He is not altogether good and lovely. Things happen, life throws you curve balls. That is what is supposed to happen. Through all of this tragedy and confusion and uncertainty, He is still good. If there is one thing that we can learn from Jesus and His teachings is that He is good.With that said, I have been reminded of the 23 Psalm verses 3 and 4.
"He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
Or according to the Jesus Story Book Bible:
"Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places, I won't be afraid. Because my Shepherd knows where I am. He is here with me, He keeps me safe, He rescues me. He makes me strong and brave."
The path of righteousness may take us into the valley of the shadow of death- the scary, lonely, dark places- but He has got it covered. And even in the midst of all of that, He gives us the strength to be brave. It's comforting to me, especially on the road that I am on with infertility. I may never have a baby of my own, that's a real possibility - in all reality that doesn't incite bravery. But this is the road He has me on, a road not for the faint of heart, a road that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It's the path of righteousness. Righteousness is what I have desired for so long now.
Why would He now give me something that I detest to bring me into His righteousness? First, it's because He is good and second, it's because He loves me and wants me to be righteous. Because it's what we do in the Valley of the Shadow of death that really shows what we are made of, it's the choices we make and the security that we find in Him that bring us to righteousness. It comes down to loving Him and trusting Him, knowing that He will comfort us... or running like hell.
Honestly, it's really tempting to run like hell. But His word says He won't give me anything more than I can handle (1 Cor. 10:12b). Obviously, He thinks I can handle infertility and with Him, I can. It's scary to think about what His best plan may entail, what exactly we are going to have to live through and how hard it may be. I am afraid. I don't want to live a life without children of my own, but I may have to. I may have to live a life of my longing never being fulfilled...until I see Him face to face.
When I was young, and during a few lucid days as an adult, I prayed that God would find me trust worthy and that He would give me his righteousness. This may be the answer to my prayer. Even though I may have been shooting myself in the foot a little. :)
I find out on tomorrow if I can or will ovulate on this new medicine. But what I am praying is that I would stay on the path of Righteousness, regardless of the state of my fertility.
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